Cold War Motors Remarketing Division, Side of the Road, Ardrossan, Ab; Agent 8771 is learning what Mercury dealers across North America knew 35 years ago: Capris Don't Sell. Just like those long-ago Merc pimps, Agent 8771 is faced with a Capri inventory situation, and is having a spot of trouble liquidating 
his prized 1977 Ghia to shore up accounts for the inevitable financial weathering of another, more absurd operation to be detailed in future installments of this CWM newsletter.
his prized 1977 Ghia to shore up accounts for the inevitable financial weathering of another, more absurd operation to be detailed in future installments of this CWM newsletter.
Together with the sale of the F100 and the to-be-announced fate of the Fairlane sedan, a potential Capri sale nets a +3 on the park-o-meter, and that means its time Agent 8771 got a proper S.C.U.M. cruiser. The President encourages All Agents to petition Agent 8771 through this newsletter that we are in fact insisting that something be done about the state of his winter Agency ride.
CWM's Re- marketing Division has shifted a fair bit of shitty kit over the last decade, including several of 0311's flaming-bag-of-shit 240's and a couple of the President's "cars" that actually got too tough to handle in public, and really should have been put down. All these floorless Volkswagens, miled-out Fairmonts, and horrible sub-frame-detached Audi 4000's had at least these two things in common:
1: They were all worthless fuckpails.
1: They were all worthless fuckpails.
2: They were all easier to sell than a nice Capri.
Agent 747 has sold so many salvaged shitboxes off the CWM "Magic Hill", he swears it has supernatural powers.
Agent 747 has sold so many salvaged shitboxes off the CWM "Magic Hill", he swears it has supernatural powers.
"People like to buy cars from me, I s'pect, " said the Prez, recovering in bed after being found earlier by police, unconscious in a ditch beside a burning Isuzu Bellette with a pretty fair-sized bag of magic mushrooms in his housecoat.
"but that Capri just isn't generating the numbers..."
