CWMC Headquarters, Ardrossan, Ab: Following in the tradition of the Hindenburg, Skylab, "Freedom 55" and General Motors, CWMC Agents and President alike have been hard at work as Operation Too Dumb to Quit swings into high gear with irresponsible amounts of effort and precious funding being invested in failed automotive paradigms with cryptic classifications like "Aries LE" and "99GL". Other Agents are getting in on the act as the snow season approaches, bringing with it the inevitable one-upmanship and rampant funding fraudulence of the Winter Beater Challenge.
|Will Battle Cruiser #4 come out of retirement?|
|533 with new WBC entry before tranny trauma...|
As this issue goes to press, 533 reports that "All systems are go... most of these extra little balls and springs and shit probably don't do anything anyway."
He then re-focused his attention on the pressing problem of propping up the power plant with cases of ammo and bits of kindling to facilitate the re-installation of the rebuilt unit. The President, called in to assist when competent collaborators could not be coerced, made himself useful by getting mega-ripped and eating leftover chocolate bars while leaning on the jack and going on at some length about how the Aries might be improved were it fitted with some dog-dish hubcaps and an oversized turbocharger.
Agent 303, whose weakness for crippled ersatz-luxury barges has been well-documented in this newsletter, is not going to be left out this season, either. With a host of mid-70's FoMoCo heaps to choose from (sporting nicknames like "Garbage Truck", "Barnacle", and "Train Wreck"), 303 looks to be a serious contender again this year.
|"Barnacle" shows 303 is at the top of his game.|
The President, whose brief encounters with reality tend to follow a depressingly familiar pattern, was last seen winding up a 4-day intercontinental booze cruise down at the local 7-11, abusing the proprietor over the scanty selection of Saab spares and equally miserable 4-carton stock of Export "Green Meanies", which were promptly commandeered in the interests of promoting a measure of diplomacy.
|I know some of you think we make this shit up.|
|1080: Coulda been a contendah...|
|President's slowly seeping Saab: Fuck it, just bring a bucket.|