Sunday, September 26, 2010

Agent 406 Puts Finishing Touches to Operation Granny Sled

CWMC HQ, Ardrossan, Ab: All available agents were summoned to a last-minute lunch meeting at HQ Friday to contemplate the financial holocaust inflicted on the Domestic Car Division by Agent 406 and his 1968 Acadian.
The Accounting for Things Division compiled a short list of projects with similar budgets for comparison; an excerpt follows:

- The Euro Fighter
- NASA Manned Mars Expedition
- High-speed Train Across Siberia
- Star Wars 4, 5 & 6
- the 2011 Formula 1 Season
- Weed for the Cheech & Chong Reunion Tour

The President stared blankly at the tally for several minutes and slowly took a few tidy sips from his glass of "water" before asking if there was any particular reason 406 needed to be able to tap close to 1000 hp in his agency cruiser. "Operation Granny Sled was conceived as a low-key bench-seat restoration, and thats what it is, until you start the engine" said 406 in his defence, "I admit the spending got a little out of hand on some of the reciprocating bits..."
The President returned from a ride in the 406 Acadian and would like to express his full and unambiguous support for completely insane engines in all agency units.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Agent 4261's Dirty Harry Cruiser is Actually Pretty Clean

CWMC HQ, Ardrossan, Ab: Headquarters was the scene today of more than just the usual amount of watercooler leaning and mindless photocopying as Agents nervously speculated about the possibility of revisions to the Operation S.C.U.M. Field Agent Guide Regarding Agency Unit Appearance. Edition Four.
In Chapter three hundred and sixty of Ricardo's Letter to the Corinthians; verse four, lines three through nine:
"Agency Units shall be suitably un-flashy and not decadent in attitude, nor vain in appearance. Do this in remembrance of Jesus, who was a radio-delete motherfucker if there ever was one."
The Agents committing the sin of vehicular vanity are organized by Agent 4261 A.K.A. "Impala Dave" A.K.A. "Details Dave"; keeper of the cleanest cars in the Agency, and apparently not entirely willing to relinquish the ol' floor mat dressing in the name of Our Saviour.
"Agent 4261's field unit is just a bit too goddam tidy" said the President today during a brief break from court where the latest round of lawsuits is playing itself expensively out."I'd like to see some old chip bags and some coffee cups mashed up in there, at least."
In the end, 4261 was let off with just a warning, the President being a perennial softie for old low-end models with original paint, missing hubcaps, and roll-up-your-own-goddam-windows.
A second warning was later issued for longer-than-thou chrome exhaust tips.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Study in Understated Good Taste and Timeless Elegance

Ardrossan, Ab: CWMC's Latest from the Boogie Van Division is being hailed by critics as "...a subtle, thought-provoking interpretation of classical themes; restrained, muted and graceful, betraying impeccable mastery of the form..."
Agents 644 & 688 commissioned Operation Urban Camo after being convinced by agent 0311 that it would be the only way to maintain a low profile while staying illegally in the country. Nicely done 0311!
Several agents were on the scene to help with various aspects of the Operation, from 533's airbrushed murals to 100013's wheels and stereo to 087's front tires. The President himself helped with the layout after a particularly hard absinthe-and-bong-hits marathon, needing only a little help with the straight lines.
All agents stay tuned for more tasteful metalflake-lace-candy-pearl updates from the Boogie Van Division.