Friday, April 30, 2010

Operation "Versailles" is Possibly Just a Touch More Involved than We Initially Thought

CWMC Headquarters, Tuesday 19:45 Hours: All available agents were called to a closed-door meeting at HQ, amid rumors that Operation Versailles was in trouble.

"It's the same kind of snowball effect that we saw last year with Operation Snowball." said the President.

The 1971 Citroen DS could not be reached for comment. All info regarding Citroen construction and maintainance is apparently marked "Top Secret Francaise Nationale" and all inquries regarding same are returned unopened accompanied by a form letter saying only "Ne Touche pas!"

Agents 001 and 086 were overheard saying that the whole situation was in "seriously deep merde".


Sunday, April 25, 2010

CWMC Racing Division Debuts New Car

Range Road 210, Alberta: Cold War Motors has high hopes for this year's racing effort, highlighted on Saturday when the new AMC Concord wowed the crowd at the 2010 John's House Invitational Concours d'Elegance / Demo Derby and Barbeque.

Driven by the President himself, the Concord distinguished itself with impeccable handling, good low-end torque, and a robust good nature before getting the shit kicked out of it by the evil tobacco-funded John Player Special Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais Team, among others.

The three-car CWMC juggernaut was slashed to just one survivor by the end of the first day of racing, with the Chrysler Superbird Commemorative Richard Petty Edition Intrepid and the ultra-quick Dodge Mister "T" A-Team Caravan reduced to smoking rubble, despite the heroic efforts of the entire division.

The President has authorized a $83.46 bailout package for the Racing Division, and is said to be "gravely concerned" about kicking ass in the next championship round.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Prez Sports Fresh Look for Spring

The President's car has received a number of updates this season, mostly aimed at increasing the offensive capabilities of the vehicle. A pair of Raiders on the rear give the desired mismatch, sure to put most people off right away. Even the charitable will struggle with the junkyard panel fit and finish, and a quick glimpse through the windshield will reveal only some Ozzy tapes and nacho boxes recognizable among the ruins. The President would like to express his continued enthusiasm for Operation Subvert Conventional Urban Mediocrity and urges all available agents to put together S.C.U.M. cars of their own.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Cold War Motors: Sick Cars for a Sick Planet

A titanic corporate monolith grinding under the crushing gravity of its own labarynthine bureaucracy and run by a megalomaniacal alcoholic train wreck, Cold War Motors is broken into a near-infinite number of divisions, each headed by one or several agents, who will sometimes cross paths at one of several top-secret locations.

Cold War Motors agents live in the dangerous and shady world beyond the new-car warranty, lurking in the shadows of the 3-digit price, in the seedy bars of the bodyman's special, the more dangerous the Operation, the better...