Sunday, May 30, 2010

Operation Bratwurst Continues to Consume Funding

CWMC Top-Secret Storage Bunker, Ardrossan, Ab: Agent 362436 has requisitioned yet another powerplant for unit #66-230 (seen above), claiming excessive valve guide clearances are making it difficult to tell if the emergency smoke screen system has inadvertently been activated, or if in fact you are simply coasting down a hill.

To eliminate the need for actual engine rebuilding skills and the accompanying costs, an unsuspecting 1969 230 (right) has been procured through the CWMC underground, and will soon be donating its complete engine to the ailing heckflosse.

When asked whether Operation Bratwurst was in fact receiving a disproportionately high level of funding, the President simply mumbled "nein!" and went back to watching "Hogan's Heroes" on YTV.

Agent 362436, long-rumored to be involved in a decidedly non-business relationship with the President, was unable to be reached for comment.

S.C.U.M. Update: 5/25/10

Lean Burn Industries HQ: Agent 1080 hosts a top-secret black-tie eyes-only soiree to unveil Agent 100013's just-finished S.C.U.M. cruiser.

The President was, predictably, smitten, and gushed drunkenly over each detail, barely pausing to focus before being captivated by another faded dent, or a bit of hay caught in an oxidizing rocker molding.

100013's wheel / tire choice was, as usual, impeccable. The combo is led off up front with a classic set of no-name 15 x 7's mounting a pair of perfectly aged BFG's, white letters out and dirty. The hits keep coming as we row astern; what else but a pair of barnacle-encrusted 14 x 8 'Stone Classics and a couple of 195-70s could follow that act? Amazing work again, 100013.

Only one photo (above right) could be salvaged from the President's record of the evening, the rest being sufficiently blurry or obscene as to negate their usefulness to the Company.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sweet Vintage Snap-On Analog Dwell / Tachometer and Matching Awesome Plymouth Fender Cover Actually Used to Tune Up Car

Near Ardrossan, Ab: The President's car was tuned this week for the first time since the Reagan administration. As the President is only interested in what cars look like, CWMC is critically under-equipped to deal with things like making cars run properly by installing electronic ignition.

Agent 1080, proprietor of Fury Dave's All Fury Service and Fury Parts Inc, was rumored to be in possesion of an elusive point-gapping device, as well as vacuum guages, timing light, a flat screwdriver, and other bits of equipment of virtually no interest to the President, who sulked over a G&T and concentrated on putting some fresh roach burns in 1080's new Cummins for the duration of the project.

After a couple of false starts, including hooking the meter up backwards and not hooking up the meter at all, a suitable reading was eventually obtained on each device, and indeed the poly-head 318 was running substantially less poorly than it had in many years. New plug wires were installed until the President saw they were blue, so a second set is being sourced. Nevertheless, operation "Get This Goddamn Dodge to Run" is being treated as a success.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Mystery Car Surfaces at CWMC

CWMC Headquarters, Ab: Agents are invited to speculate as to the possible identity of the strange "Mystery Car" that has recently been spotted at the CWMC top-secret long term storage bunker in Ardrossan.

"It appears as though we may have stumbled upon a rare early prototype Saab Sonnet III!" the President was quoted as saying, but it was later generally agreed that this was most likely a combination of wishful thinking and too much bordeaux.
Agent 355 hazarded that it might be a long lost Panhard "Coupe-de-Gaulle" from the Paris Expo d'Auto '63, but again he conceded quickly that he was "really just here for the beer" and wouldn't be pressed to comment further.

Some agents proposed that the rudimentary unibody must have Eastern-Bloc origins, while others have placed their bets on Brazil.

The engineless shell guards its secret.