1080 Single-Handedly Depletes Nations Strategic Oil Reserve in Bid to win CWMC Fuel Economy Championship

Lean Burn Technologies, South Cooking Lake, Ab: All Agents be aware: if you are trying for the CWMC Fuel Economy Championship, you are going to have your work cut out for you. Agent 1080 has again shovelled a considerable chunk of overdraft under the hood of his Agency Cruiser Plymouth, and is confident that few Agents are going to have a chance to dethrone him as the Undisputed Canadian Champion Fossil-Fuel Consumer. 

  CNN reported yesterday that, after political instability in Libya, 1080's Plymouth is probably the single most reliable indicator of an impending world-wide oil shortage and accompanying price spike. Last summer, with 1080's attention focused elsewhere, the world was enjoying a pretty easy time of it, with oil prices hovering in the realistic $70- $80 / barrel range. Last week, however, 1080 finished reassembling his pet demon, and began ordering supertankers diverted to Lean Burn Technologies to begin feeding the beast a steady diet of high-octane premium. Despite worldwide protests and repeated summits with various CEO's of all the worlds biggest producers, 1080 remained stoic, and pressed on with testing and tuning the 800 hp supercharged monstrosity.

The scene at LBT on Saturday

  "It's pretty well behaved, con- sidering..." said 1080 at a press conference yesterday, when asked if he really intended to use the weapon in anger on public streets. "What else am I going to drive? A fuckin' Prius? If it won't pull the front wheels off the ground, I'm not interested."
 A quick inspection reveals a pair of toilet-bowl sized carbs atop a BDS 8-71 supercharger, feeding a 440 Chrysler with some spendy aluminum cylinder heads screwed on to assist in ridding the world of as much gasoline as possible in the shortest possible time. A 5500 rpm stall converter makes sure that 1080s cruiser doesn't even move until space-shuttle amounts of fuel are being consumed by the angriest, most intimidating car in town.
 The President went for a short spin with 1080 at the controls of the old Plymouth, and returned looking more than a little pale and shaken, only able to mumble "Full Presidential approval...full Presidential approval..." over and over until he was helped away for a short rest and some medicinal bong rips.
  Further details will be released as soon as they are declassified, pending final dyno tuning and assuming there is still enough fuel in the country for another test drive.