Lean Burn Technologies , Cooking Lake, Ab: HQ was in a state of shock earlier this week, when LBT proprietor Agent 1080 returned from a Winter Cruiser-related mission at the wheel of nothing less than a 1974 Chrysler Newport Custom hardtop coupe, dashing in Daffodil Yellow and sporting the desirable black vinyl top together with matching interior. To see 1080 step so far out of his comfort zone was a real shocker for all the CWMC staff; scarcely anyone suspected that the head of LBT was going to seek out a C-body Chrysler product for winter duty.
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| CSB 3 1/2 holds a six-er of sleds |
"I wanted something completely different" said an elated 1080 at a brief debriefing session held earlier today at CWMC HQ, where Agents 8771 and 0666 were putting the finishing touches to the latest Cold Storage Bunker #3 1/2. Agent 1080, whose C-body carography includes 1966, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 75, 76, 77,and 1978 models, was unable to resist the sightly different grille texture and steering wheel emblem of the elusive 1974 model. All productivity (such as it is) was suspended again as the President was brought up to date as to the minutiae of this missing-link in 1080s C-chain.
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| On any given Friday: C-body Central at CWMC |
Regular recipients of this newsletter might have been wondering what constitutes a typical transaction when you purchase a half-sack of these unsellable mastodons every season; HQ has obtained this partial transcription using state of the art (1981) Soviet miniaturized microphone technology, smuggled out of Romania during the L.A. Olympic Games in the charcoal canister of a demonstrator Dacia 1410 at great personal expense to the President, who was anxious to field-test this new wire-tapping capability. An excerpt follows:
(static, phone ringing)
Seller: Hello?
1080: Hello, I'm the only person that is going to call about the '74 Newport. I'll give you six hundred for it.
Seller: Um, I was asking $2500. Its really nice, my grandfath... (static, sound of cats fighting - approx 14 seconds) ...and I just don't have room for it.
1080: Five. (Static- possible sounds of laughter in background)
Seller: What? You haven't even (static: background TV noise, 11 seconds; Agent 4261 confirms it is the theme from Remington Steele) ...for the price of the tires!
1080: Take it or leave it.
(Static: cats. Pierce Brosnan. Cursing)
1080: I'm on my way.
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| Its a '74, of course! |
All Agents are encouraged to take 1080's Used Chrysler Purchasing Techniques and Tactics refresher course at LBT, held alternate Fridays (after Ballast Resistor Bingo) between 2 and 4:30 AM. Admission is free, but bring your own smokes.
The President, unable to be reached directly due to an income tax issue which requires that he be in a G&T-induced-coma at least three days a week, was quoted by a reliable source as having issued Full Presidential Approval, pending the re-installation of the Newport's original, ugly pie-plate hubcaps.
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