CWMC HQ, Ardrossan, Ab: Headquarters was the scene today of more than just the usual amount of watercooler leaning and mindless photocopying as Agents nervously speculated about the possibility of revisions to the Operation S.C.U.M. Field Agent Guide Regarding Agency Unit Appearance. Edition Four.
In Chapter three hundred and sixty of Ricardo's Letter to the Corinthians; verse four, lines three through nine:
"Agency Units shall be suitably un-flashy and not decadent in attitude, nor vain in appearance. Do this in remembrance of Jesus, who was a radio-delete motherfucker if there ever was one."
The Agents committing the sin of vehicular vanity are organized by Agent 4261 A.K.A. "Impala Dave" A.K.A. "Details Dave"; keeper of the cleanest cars in the Agency, and apparently not entirely willing to relinquish the ol' floor mat dressing in the name of Our Saviour.
"Agent 4261's field unit is just a bit too goddam tidy" said the President today during a brief break from court where the latest round of lawsuits is playing itself expensively out."I'd like to see some old chip bags and some coffee cups mashed up in there, at least."
In the end, 4261 was let off with just a warning, the President being a perennial softie for old low-end models with original paint, missing hubcaps, and roll-up-your-own-goddam-windows.
A second warning was later issued for longer-than-thou chrome exhaust tips.
Kudos to 4261 for the super tidy Impala, looks bad-ass, AND for choosing an agent number that is prime. AND A FOUR DIGIT PRIME TO BOOT! Anyway, back to my calculator.....
ReplyDeleteBy "calculator", did you mean your Tercel? Or are you actually just sitting around at work figuring out prime numbers?
ReplyDeleteAll Agents take note: 4261 displays his Agent number in the lower left corner of the windshield to ensure he gets a good parking spot while at CWMC Headquarters. Presidential approval in spades.
Nice ride...Rockford approved.
ReplyDelete