Restoration Division Rolls out Latest Masterpiece

CWMC Cold Storage Bunker #2, Ardrossan, Ab: With the worldwide credit markets imploding and weed prices showing double-digit inflation, the CWMC Restoration Division has seen it's budget decimated after the latest round of  debt-ceiling hikes, bailouts, and feely-nicey public-relations bullshit has again failed to generate any real fiscal fix-up for the President's very serious dilemma of how to restore twenty cars on a budget for one. The obvious solution, it seems, would be to sell all but one car, and restore it; but the President, like a few other world leaders, has chosen the austerity route.

The Kaiser as delivered after another boozy buying binge.

  The Resto-ration Division chose the fittingly low-end "Special" model from the 1951 Kaiser line upon which to lavish absolutely no funding and minimal time in an attempt to prove to justifiably skeptical creditors that the ridiculous and incoherent CWMC car collection could be managed on a vastly reduced, almost embezzlement-free budget.
  With the entry deadline  for the 2012 Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance only days away, the inevitable corner-cutting started in earnest. As the latest in a series of what soon became known around the office as the Zero-Funding Restorations was fearlessly hammered together, Agents from multiple divisions donated precious seconds, even minutes of their ample spare time to this heroic undertaking.

Finished! Just buy the judges a few drinks first.

  Carefully leaning and bullshitting away, the President, now fully delusional and still convinced of a possible class win (at very least an honorable mention), just rolled the broken windows out of sight and tried to scoop out as much of the mouse shit and leafy detritus as he could with one hand, while the other held steady a pretty tidy G&T for 10:41 am.

$9.79 hood badge blew the budget

  Plans to get the Kaiser's Continental "Supersonic" 6 operational were shelved pretty quickly after a brief and discouraging look under the hood, and it was decided that no one would notice, as most serious show cars are trailered around and just kind of fussed over, anyway. Some old tarps and blankets took care of the upholstery needs without undue expenditure, while some fresh air in the tires made pushing much easier; important for proper show cars.
  Thriving mossy ecosystems were uprooted in the name of redemption, and turtle wax duly applied to the remaining paint-covered areas in the hopes that the folksy, casual, run-whatcha-brung- style judging at Pebble Beach would forgive a few, tiny, imperfections in the name of originality and preservation.

Radio delete - of course.

   The latest of these new, Zero-Funding Restorations (ZFRs) was unveiled at HQ yesterday to an appropriately subdued, select, Agents-only audience. Unfortunately, the Prez had been prepared to forestall what he perceived as a liquidity crisis by stockpiling cases of Gilbey's in his office at HQ, and had begun a pretty serious skim operation by noon that day.  Several hours later, the scene at HQ had degenerated into something substantially more like a proper fundraiser, with mysterious women and hazy, half-remembered speculation about whether the whole thing was in fact a disguised bailout of the French Car Division, whose books were singularly ruinous, and whose recent escapades had demonstrated a wholesale disregard for accountability on any level.

CSB II is full again.

  A speech was unavoidable, but someone evidently forgot to remind the President that his Wilhelm II imper-sonation, however accurate and studiously delivered, would be a tough sell in today's econo-litically correct climate, and there were definitely a few uncomfortable silences at his latest, and hopefully final, public appearance for this year.
  Not that he noticed.
  All Agents are encouraged to please report to HQ to pick up their Zero-Funding Bonus Cheques (ZFBCs).