Downsizing Policy Derailed by Presidential Subterfuge

CWMC Cold Storage Bunker #1, Ardrossan, Ab: With all available auto storage spoken for, and the rest of the CWMC compound reduced to overflow parking for a bottomless pit of rusty restoration projects and parts, the in-house Department of the Treasury has finally seen fit to introduce a much-needed downsizing policy in an attempt to stave off inevitable financial, social, and aesthetic ruin.

VJBD getting crowded

  Unfortunately, and not for the first time, the President has chosen to carefully misinterpret the spirit of the agreement, and rather than downsize the actual collection, has simply shifted his focus from acquisition of large, heavy, 4-wheeled clunkers to a short-term substitute policy of hoarding smaller, more easily handled, ancient motorcycles; particularly the wind-up toy variety of 1960's-era machinery favored by the Vintage Jap Bike Division.

  These miniature machines have gained favour lately as their tidy dimensions and light weight allow them to be easily positioned in between other vehicles, whereby the collecting can continue unchecked for the time being.

Important stuff, indeed.

  When other Agents were polled on the subject of the President's downsizing efforts, wittier wags wondered whether the new policy was in fact a de facto endorsement of his apparent fixation on all things 2-stroke, and if the smell of 20:1 had finally gotten to what was left of both his mental and structural facilities. Others suggested that perhaps the pile of projects would hit a critical mass at some point, and level off as the Prez shifted focus to ever-smaller collectibles, filling the gaps with old video-game consoles, cell-phones, Matchbox cars, ashtrays, and little bits of string or shiny pebbles.

They fit just about anywhere...

  "Sometimes you just have to adapt to the situation..." said the President today in an interview from his office at HQ, where he could just be seen behind a vast wall of empty Slurpee cups, stacking dusty drifts of old Bargain Finders and Auto Traders while draining a couple of robust G&Ts between bong hits. 

  "...there's always room for another important piece of history."

   Meanwhile, the VJBD is pleased to announce that there are now enough parts in the building to attempt the reconstruction of the 1966 Suzuki S-32 procured last week in a top-secret trade for one of the half-dozen snowmobiles marked for disposal after a brief bout with sanity revealed that, while 23 motorcycles is a reasonable number, 14 sleds is just silly. Look for regular blue-smoke updates to follow as they are declassified.

Anyone up for Missile Command?

  All Agents are encouraged to please report to HQ this week and attempt to liberate some square-footage in any one of the CWMC buildings by drinking as much beer as possible and just sort of shoving things around.