Rusty Floors Exhibit Coming Together Nicely

Outdoor Storage Compound, CWMC Headquarters, Ardrossan, Ab: After an exhaustive and painstaking search, the centerpiece of what promises to be the must-see exhibit at Cold War Motors this spring has been tracked down, shot, and dragged back to HQ to be prepared for presentation at this year's "Presidential Awards of Distinction" gala, coming sometime in May.

Perseverance paid off with this gem.

   Soft sounds of sympa- thetic sibilance accom- panied the unloading of the 1958 Mayfair coupe as appre- hensive Agents from various Divisions queued up to catch a glimpse of the latest installation in a long-running series of profoundly poor car-buying decisions that have become the President's signature style. 

Dodge #2 is also very impressive.

 Despite repeated requests for funding to subsidize some of the more glaring storage issues, the Domestic Car Division has proceeded with Operation Fred and Barney: Floorless Fashions of the Fabulous Fifties- one man's vision and $2270.00 worth of fucked-up Dodges.
  "Don't miss this nostalgia-fest of soggy carpets, crumbling seat cushions, and rotten rocker panels," says the March issue of Automobile Quarterly magazine; " ...hats off to the dedicated artists of the Domestic Car Division for putting together this fabulous collection of ferric oxide and mossy underlay for the world to enjoy."

Dodge #4 is settling in.

In the CWMC equivalent of a Grand Opening, all of the Dodges will be brought together for a rare photo session, as soon as enough old bias-plies can be scrounged up from various tire piles to get the frame rails off the ground and mobile.

#3 is down at the stern.

  "Making the best of a colossal fuck-fest like this one will take all the skills that this Division can muster..." said rolling-stock retailer Agent 100013 earlier this week when asked for an approximate date of completion for the tire-fitment program. Interestingly, tire choice remains an important part of the display, while panel fit and mechanical viability take a back seat (also not included) here again, still subject to the vagaries of the ever-incomprehensible Agent Field Guide to Vehicle Appearance, re: Ch. 14, v. 1-6 (rev. 2):

Wanted: double pins.

   "Suffer not thine yard ornaments to wear aging all-seasons; the path to righteousness lies in the enlistment of the unholiest of ancient Firestone 500 double-pinstripe 6.50-14s. Christ knows, tires are everything."

That's more like it.

Dodge #1 actually moves.

  Unable to be reached directly for comment due to the difficult nature of his bail conditions, the President has released a short statement from his yacht, moored just outside the jurisdiction of those who would see him incarcerated for what amounts to not much more than a series of unfortunate misunderstandings involving a couple of sexy lab technicians, an army-surplus gravity bong, and a "liberated" Russian Zenit 2SB launch vehicle.

#1 shows how its done.

  "G&T supplies low; send money." read the brief but clearly heartfelt letter of congratulation. 
  HQ remains the scene of some consternation as the annual slushy mud-bog continues to thwart efforts to move units into position for the upcoming Opening Night festivities, sure to be dimly recalled for months to come.
  All Agents are please encouraged to report to HQ for a couple of cold ones, followed by a brief refresher course on the many financial and lifestyle perks of obsessive-compulsive car hoarding. 

Happy hunting!