French Car Division Unrepentant Following Latest Funding Scandal

CWMC Cold Storage Bunker #3, Ardrossan, Ab: Subsequent to a brief and blissful period of relative inactivity, the budget-busting brainchildren of the French Car Division have just recently launched Operation Get This Crepe Out of my Yard.

  As usual, at least part of the blame for this latest in a long series of baguette-beater-bargains can be attributed to CWMC French-Car-Division ringleader and hydro-pneumatic high-priest, Agent 747.  Through his extensive underground network that dates back decades to the relative heyday of 1970's-era Francophilia, the location of the ailing 1971 DS20 Estate was ascertained and a small recovery team of Agents dispatched to retrieve the unit from the predictably quiet, brainy residential area where it had lain dormant for multiple years under a large, dripping willow, with commensurate cosmetic corrosion easily evident.

Sticker adds much-needed redneck cred.

As Operation Versailles is still at best two or three years from viability, a sub- stantially less deconstructionist approach to this latest double-chevron driver was adopted, with restoration efforts being largely geared towards bare-minimum safety and presentability standards intended to provide several interim seasons of floaty French fun while the arduous, nut-and-bolt reconstruction of the President's other 1971 DS continues at a pace that makes continental drift look like AA/Fuel Altered.

Stella is ready to go.

   It is also not entirely by accident that at least one of the Citroens will remain fully assembled at all times to serve as a rolling instruction book to be consulted when it becomes evident that, just maybe, the President might have forgotten where a few of the thousands of unrecognizable grommets, twisted steel lines, proportioning valves, hoses, and 7mm screws are supposed to go. Suggestions to Agent 747 that perhaps he should be the lucky expert tasked with re-installing the famously fiendish wiring harness have thus far been met with polite laughter, followed by convincingly feigned deafness and sudden, just- remembered "appointments" to be kept.

Agent 747 sold this one back in the 80's, too.

  Having con- structed at sizable personal expense a veritable Maginot Line-of-Credit, the President defended the FCD's blatant thievery and book-keeping chicanery while remaining officially detached and still nominally capable of addressing the ferocious funding fiasco with a protracted propaganda assault aimed at mitigating the effects of record-low morale among the administrative personnel at HQ.

Parked in CSB III with CX, 604, and non-French rubbish.

  "I think we've probably seen the worst of it already," said the President today in a brief interview from the second floor of the old Liquor Control Board store where he was hiding out from police asking questions about a missing Gulfstream II, a $979.00 room-service bill at Holiday Inn Havana in the name of Pancho Del Benzino, and several pending paternity suits involving tellers at First National Bank of Uruguay.
  "...it looks as though everything is going to work itself out in time for Chicken Wing Mayhem at the Sawmill on Thursday."
  All Agents are please encouraged to stop by HQ for bong hits, followed by a brief salary review (Hint: don't get your hopes up) and boozy speculation about the future of fiat currencies and Fiat Chryslers. Same hint applies.