Early in the planning stages of Haircut, it was observed that, when all of the of the Ford's rusted / smashed beyond repair components were removed, there was only a roof, a couple of doors, and some Maiden tapes left to salvage. Another low- mileage granny 4 door was quickly procured by the CWMC underground and, as of this writing, is being demolished and rebuilt as 8771's hardtop coupe.
On Wednesday, several Agents attended a top-secret closed-door meeting at HQ to discuss several funding irregularities becoming apparent early on, like:-The "parts car" cost 6 times more than the actual car, and was actually quite nice, until the President, quite cheerfully baked on Holiday Hash Brownies, cut it up with a grinder.
- In a familiar-looking scenario, the Fairlane budget deficit for this week exceeds the total deficit of all 25 previous years combined. Agent 8771 forges ahead, guns blazing as he orders up new carpets, seats, and shiny parts for his decrepit deathtrap. Blindly spending ones way out of danger seems to be the order of the day here, also.
"Austerity measures will have to be implemented if we can't get this reckless disregard for budgetary guidelines under some kind of control." the President said at the close of the meeting, struggling to open another Heineken by smashing the top of it with his Rolex. "This could mean a return to the lean, low-dollar accessories of Agent 8771's youth, like $29.99 cassette decks (including 2 6x9's), gauges that drip oil on your pants, and used tires with the whitewalls blacked-out by a Jiffy marker."All agents are encouraged to please submit other possible budget-reduction strategies c/o this newsletter. Updates to follow as they are declassified.
Need's the president's signature $19.95 GT hood stripes and you got yourself a fine street machine. Best Bang for the buck... nice job 8771
ReplyDeleteGT Hood Stripe Special is Agents Only!
ReplyDeleteIf, like 1080, your whole car is already flat black, stripes can be upgraded to your choice of white or silver for an additional $7.99.
Remember: Cars without GT Hood Stripes are just not cool.
Well I am not sure if even the hood stripes could save this car.
ReplyDeleteThis project is going to be about as cost effective for 8771 as the Olympic Stadium was for Montreal. I fear that operation haircut has revealed that the car was in full comb-over mode.
I admire the 8771's loyalty in this crusade and I have my fingers crossed that that nice used windshield stashed away will be brought out now that the other one is really bad and not able to be re-installed.
The nice, used, and only slightly broken 'shield was indeed brought out of 20-year storage, checked for fit, and put back into storage.
ReplyDelete"Comb-over mode" Heh.
Bucket of shit-buckets.
ReplyDeleteThem were the days.
Guess now the windows will roll up and such.
Like an X-body from a bad accident involving a fire this car shall drive again. Agent 8771 is back and this time around he has added a log function to his original budget and will forge ahead until that runs out and corners get cut again. Let it be known that I am on the lookout for a good Realistic EQ (7 band) for the 'resto mod'. Keep your eyes peeled at local garage sales and in any of 1080's parts cars for said audiophile gear. Debates rage as whether or not to fix any of the windows in the process of 'repairing' the 2 door as that may stray too far from the original car's feel. Vote with your heart on that one. Updates on the debate to raise the debt ceiling are to follow.
ReplyDeleteObtuse platform references are encouraged, as per "Agent Guidebook to Alienating Casual Readers" (Vol. 1 , Ch6, vs.1-3).
ReplyDeleteAgent 100013 has the market cornered on "classic" car stereo equipment.
Will trade for rare Hot Wheels cars or Skynrd paraphernalia.